[ It's then, and only then, that Viktor realizes the magnitude of how the hexcore has been affecting him.
Now that emotion is returning, he realizes just how much had been taken away. Now that his humanity is returning, he realizes how far it had been dragged out of his reach. The return of both is agonizing, like the slow leeching of a painful poison where the cure hurts worse than the injury. He'd barely noticed when both emotion and humanity had been lost. Now, he cannot think of anything else.
Jayce's hand folds over his shoulder, a point of warmth among turmoil, and Viktor struggles to not take comfort from it. He shouldn't be allowed to take comfort from it. In trying to heal people he has brainwashed an entire community, taken their independence from them and removed all emotion from them. It had made so much sense at the time -- emotion as a weakness, as a hindrance to greatness -- and now all he wants to do is claw the magic from his own body like its removal might be some kind of penance. ]
I do not know how to make it right.
[ The admission is pained, hollow. ]
Now that I am aware of the hexcore's effects, I can feel its corruption, but I do not know how to withdraw it from the others.
[ And that's not even touching the greater question: if all it took to sever him from the corruption was seeing Jayce's memories and his love, then surely Viktor could have broken himself free at any point, if he so chose. If he had just been strong enough. The revelation that he may be a very weak person is... uncomfortable. ]
If the hexcore is destroyed-- perhaps that will free these people.
no subject
Now that emotion is returning, he realizes just how much had been taken away. Now that his humanity is returning, he realizes how far it had been dragged out of his reach. The return of both is agonizing, like the slow leeching of a painful poison where the cure hurts worse than the injury. He'd barely noticed when both emotion and humanity had been lost. Now, he cannot think of anything else.
Jayce's hand folds over his shoulder, a point of warmth among turmoil, and Viktor struggles to not take comfort from it. He shouldn't be allowed to take comfort from it. In trying to heal people he has brainwashed an entire community, taken their independence from them and removed all emotion from them. It had made so much sense at the time -- emotion as a weakness, as a hindrance to greatness -- and now all he wants to do is claw the magic from his own body like its removal might be some kind of penance. ]
I do not know how to make it right.
[ The admission is pained, hollow. ]
Now that I am aware of the hexcore's effects, I can feel its corruption, but I do not know how to withdraw it from the others.
[ And that's not even touching the greater question: if all it took to sever him from the corruption was seeing Jayce's memories and his love, then surely Viktor could have broken himself free at any point, if he so chose. If he had just been strong enough. The revelation that he may be a very weak person is... uncomfortable. ]
If the hexcore is destroyed-- perhaps that will free these people.